Flying...

I had to travel pretty frequently for work. During a big project I was flying out at least twice a month and staying away for a week at a time. Now that I was pregnant, I had second thoughts about flying. The big project was over so I wasn't required to be away as much but it did come up occasionally. It wasn't so much that I couldn't physically or medically fly but I just didn't want to be away from home - just in case something happened.

Well the first trip that I had to make wasn't very pleasant. We had a very early flight so I had to be up REALLY REALLY early to make sure I was able to get through security in time. The airport is extremely busy for that early morning flight because all of the business travelers use it. I wasn't sleeping well so it was a challenge just getting out of bed.

I got to the airport a little late. Not surprising because that is how I roll. Anyway, the line for security was out the door and I hadn't even checked in yet. I check in and get to the back of the line. I am now freaking out because I just know that I am going to miss this flight. I just know it.

Then this security guard angel came up to me and told me to go down the stairs to a secret security checkpoint. I didn't really look pregnant yet so I don't think it was sympathy. So I go down the stairs and there are these security traffic controllers. They directed me to another part of the airport. Unfortunately I had to walk a far distance and I didn't have decent walking shoes on. I finally got to the checkpoint and am soaked with sweat. I know - pretty gross considering that I had to sit on a plane with people in close proximity and I had to meet with clients. But at least I would make my flight.

I handed over my ID and my boarding pass and immediately realized that I had a problem. My license was still in my maiden name because I never changed it (still haven't) and the ticket was in my married name. Again, I had a little freakout in my head. I explained it to the guard and they let me go through, no questions asked.

I had to take my shoes off. I was a little nervous because I wasn't sure if I would be able to get them back on now that my feet were starting to swell. I went through the rest of the security line and was cleared. Yeah!!! Well, not yet.

Then I had to climb about a thousand stairs (no elevator or escalator) and then go outside and take a short ride on a bus.

By the time I got to the boarding gate, I was an absolute mess. But, I was on time.

The flight wasn't that long but by the time we landed, I definitely couldn't get my shoes on all the way. I was hungry and miserable and hobbling around. I wasn't happy.

The trip was a success and we flew back that evening but I felt like I had been gone for about 2 weeks. I decided then that I wouldn't fly again while I was pregnant and I wasn't afraid to use the pregnancy card. The moral of the story - get to the airport on time.

Glucose testing...

Another thing that pregnant women don't tell other pregnant women is that they have to do a glucose test. The glucose test is to determine how well your pregnant body can metabolize sugars. This will tell the doctors whether the mother has gestational diabetes.

I was scheduled for the test and all I knew was that there was another blood test involved. Ok, so I thought I better get over this fear of needles quickly. It isn't necessarily needles, but more the fact that the needle has to go into a vein and pull out blood. Ewwww!!!! Either way, I had to get over it because I knew that I would probably have to have it done more before the pregnancy was over.

I fasted one hour before the test. The lab technician drew blood. It wasn't pleasant. I hated it. Then I had to drink a sugary orange liquid. It was like orange "juice" that you drink as a kid. It wasn't that bad. I thought I was done. I thought wrong. I had to sit there for an hour and then had to get another blood test. This time they couldn't get a good vein so they had to take it from a vein in my hand. I thought I was going to pass out. I was never so glad for something to be over.

Now I just had to wait for the results. A couple of days later I got a phone call from my doctor. I failed! You know what that means? I had to do this again but this time it was a 3-hour test, not just 1 hour. I figured I would just put it off as long as I could but I had to face it sooner or later.

What will happen to my puppies...

I have two dogs. One is 55lbs and extremely hyperactive. The other one is 95lbs and just the sweetest, most gentle, mellow dog you can meet. I loved cuddling on the couch with the hyper one. She is also very sweet when she is sleepy.

Anyway, as my belly got bigger, it was harder for me to cuddle with my pup. That got me thinking and made me sad. What would happen to my "kids" when I had a new baby? Would they feel neglected? Would they hate me? Would they hate the baby and want to eat him? Up to that point, I hadn't even thought about how this new baby would affect their lives and how it would affect my relationship with them. Those who don't have pets/dogs probably think I am a lunatic. I mean, they are just dogs, right? But those who love their pets know that they become part of the family.

I had to get them prepared for a new member of the family. First, I spent a lot of time in the baby's room and made the dogs spend time with me there. The hyper dog sniffed and investigated that room for weeks. The other one couldn't care less about the room. I just didn't want their first exposure to the room to be when I brought baby home.

I also got a doll and dressed it like a baby. I put on the diaper with baby poweder. I dressed it in baby clothes that had been washed in baby detergent. I carried this "baby" around with me so they would get used to me having something in my arms and so they would get used to the smells of a baby. I didn't do what babies do in diapers but I wanted to get them as prepared as possible - even I have my limits.

I thought my little experient was going very well. They learned not to jump when I had the "baby" in my arms. They didn't freak out when they entered baby's room. Success!

Then one day, I walked into my living room and my little hyper monster was chewing on the "baby's" face. AHHHHH!!!

Time to register...

I registered when I was getting married and it made me uncomfortable. I hate when people feel obligated to buy you a gift and then you tell them what to buy! It didn't seem right to me. But everyone kept saying that it is tradition and people want to buy gifts for occassions like a wedding. Well, I had the same concerns when I was registering for my baby shower. I felt bad that I was telling people what to buy and expecting them to buy something at all. I didn't feel as guilty though because babies cost a lot of money and we could use all the help we could get.

I had a list of things I knew we would need: bottles, pack-n-play, a bouncer, a high chair, blankets, car seat, etc. I had no idea how hard it would actually be when I started going to the stores. There are a MILLION different kinds of bottles. How would any first time parent know which to get? I ended up getting a couple different kinds and hoped for the best. And how do you know which products are safe, which have been recalled, which have good reviews and bad reviews. I tried to research many of the products I registered for beforehand but it got to be quite overwhelming. I mean, you can't just get a car seat and stroller. It has to be a travel system. And you can't get this bouncer because the toys are boring. You can't get this high chair because the tray sits up too high. Picking out the room decor was easy. It was the important stuff that was hard. And the husband was no help.

And there are so many things that are just unnecessary but you get them anyway - i.e. a diaper genie. I have used mine once. It takes the diapers and makes them into a huge, smelly sausage. I didn't realize you should probably empty it often so I just kept throwing diapers into it. When I finally emptied it for the first time, I had to drape the diapers all over my body and wrap them around my neck just to get it to the trash bin, like a big diaper snake. I never used it again and now it sits collecting dust. Can you re-gift a used diaper genie? Maybe sell it on ebay?

I don't think I can get much bigger...

Once my belly started growing, there was no stopping. It seemed like I just popped one day and went from looking like a chubby woman to looking like a pregnant woman. How exciting! I loved looking pregnant.

But some things happened when I got my belly that I wasn't expecting and that no one ever told me. Keep in mind that I am short so some of these things may not seem like a big deal but for me, they were.
*Driving - I had to sit further away from the steering wheel which made it difficult for me to reach the pedals. My car seat was very flexible and did so much more than slide just forward and backward. Thank God for adjustable seats.
*Work - I had to sit further away from my desk which made it difficult to get to my keyboard. I had to work with the keyboard on my lap a lot of the time.
*Shaving - It is hard to shave when you can't see past the beach ball portruding out of your stomach. Needless to say I abandoned the shaving for a while until I (and my husband) couldn't stand it anymore.
*Urine samples - I soon discovered that the OBGYN asked for a urine sample every single visit. I would save whatever I had so I could give a good sample. As my belly grew, I would drink as much water as I could before I went to my appointment because I could never quite get any in the cup on the first try. Fortunately they kept the bathroom stocked with little plastic cups and you can believe I did a lot of hand washing.
*Walls - I all of a sudden couldn't judge distance. I would turn a corner and slam my belly right into a wall. I am not talking about unfamiliar places. I would walk into things at my house. I am very familiar with where the walls are in my house and can usually walk around with no problem, even in the dark. But those walls started jumping in my way as soon as I had a belly.
*Sleep - I felt like a turtle on its back. I couldn't turn very easily from one side to the other and had to make my move in stages. A little rotation here, another adjustment there. I used the sheets to pull myself around and actually have holes in several sets of sheets where I grabbed hold and stuck a finger through the fabric.

No one tells you these things are going to happen. Why don't they put this stuff in those books. Some of the joys of going through pregnancy for the first time!

Am I being a hypochondriac...

I was given probably 4 or 5 copies of the What to Expect book. I tried not to read ahead of my schedule because I was afraid that I was going to have every symptom and complication that I read about. I am not normally a hypochondriac but I didn't want to take any chances. Those books can be scary! There is a lot of information dedicated to what is happening to you and your baby if something is going wrong.

But as I read through it, I totally had all of the symptoms it was talking about. When it said I would be getting headaches, I had headaches. When it said I would have heartburn, I could breathe fire. I was comforted by the fact that this book knew everything that was happening to and in my body. And I was also comforted by the fact that I was supposed to be feeling these things. Then I decided it might be ok to read ahead a little so I knew what to expect. Ironic.

Did he just move...

I had been feeling "movements" for a few weeks. Everything that I had read said that it was too early to be feeling the baby move but I swore I did. At that point I was very familiar with what gas felt like and this wasn't gas. I also know what hunger feels like and it wasn't hunger either. So in my head I just knew that I was feeling my little guy moving around in there. I didn't say this out loud because I figured other mommies would think I was nutty.

Then I felt true movement. It was probably around the 18th week or so. It felt like little flutters, like little butterflies flitting around. I also described it as bugs crawling all over. But that didn't sound as romantic. Now I know that the "movements" I had felt before probably weren't the baby. Maybe it was just my body changing to accommodate the baby, but I know it wasn't gas or hunger.

I longed for the feeling of my son moving around. When he didn't move, I got nervous. Though I did find out that babies in the womb go through sleep cycles so it is possible not to feel movements for several hours but I still worried. I would tap on my belly, drink juices, eat, sing, cough just to make him move.

And the movements were not visible to anyone else yet. So it was like my little secret. I would be in a meeting at work and I would feel him. It was hard to concentrate because I was just so enraptured with what was going on inside my body. I am sure I missed a few important notes during those few weeks.

To paint or not to paint...

My spare room was going to become my son's new room. I had been scouring the Internet and the local baby stores for the perfect room decor. My husband is really into sports so I was thinking about a sports theme but it all seemed more like for a little boy than a little baby. I also wasn't sure if I wanted everything to be blue. I love blue but I thought that I wanted something a little different. And then I found it. It was a Mommy & Me theme that was had beiges and browns and sage greens. It doesn't sound very baby-like but it was perfect. And it had tons of mama animals with their babies.

I got the border and the bedding and the rug and the light switch plate. I went all out. But now I had a dilemma. The room was pretty plain. The paint color was a light cream color which matched the wallpaper border. I wasn't planning to paint at all but then I realized that the greens in the decor matched the paint color of my living room perfectly. And I had leftover paint. So I contemplated painting the lower half of the wall green with the border in the middle and the existing paint color on the top half. By now I was about 5 months pregnant and had a pretty good sized belly going. I was concerned about the amount of bending that would be involved. I was also extremely concerned about the fumes and the harmful effects of the paint on me and/or my baby.

My options were to either not paint at all or to have my husband do it. Those didn't seem like options to me. I had my heart set on the green and I also had my heart set on doing it myself. It was almost like a bonding experience with my baby in a way.

So I did my research on the paint that I had on hand. I was told that the type of paint I had didn't contain any lead and wasn't harmful. But you always have doubt, even when someone tells you it is ok. I figured that it should be ok and I went to work for 3 days. It was the middle of summer and was so hot outside. I had all the windows open, had fans going full speed, took frequent breaks and had my husband help (just a little). I am really not a control freak but I just really wanted to this room how I liked it.

In the end, it was the most perfect room ever. I am not much of a decorator but I swear this room could have been in a magazine. I am guessing that was my mommy bias talking!

Names...

We had talked about names a little before we knew the sex of the baby. When we found out that we were having a boy, the real name hunt began. I wanted to pick a name ASAP because I wanted to know what to call the little guy. My husband was convinced that the ultrasound was wrong and that we would end up with a girl. He actually felt that way right up until I delivered. But I didn't want to focus on girl names at all. If he was really a she, we would deal with it when the baby was born.

Can I tell you that picking the baby's name was the most stressful part of the whole pregnancy? Don't get me wrong, there were definitely some stressful physical and emotion moments, days, weeks. But picking the name for your unborn child, the name that will be with them for the entire life, the name that they might possibly pass down to his children. It just seemed like a huge responsibility. Maybe I was making a bigger deal than I should.

There are so many things to think about. Everytime we came up with a name, my husband was in charge of thinking about how other little kids would twist it around and make fun of it. Many names that I liked were crossed off the list because my husband would think of a mean rhyme that my son's classmates might come up with. You also have to make sure that the initials aren't strange. Some names were crossed off because they were too long. How was he ever going to learn to spell and write his name when there are a billion letters in it? Do you go with a junior, a family name, an unusual name, a common name, a name from your ethnicity or culture...

And those baby name books. How many of these things can one person have? Everyone gave us a baby name book. And they are impossible. I tried to go through them letter by letter but so many of the names seemed ridiculous that I would get frustrated and just give up. I would choose a page at random and try to pick a name. That didn't work.

And people ask you all the time what you are naming the baby. I would say that I didn't know and they wouldn't believe me. They thought I was just keeping it a secret. But in reality, I didn't know if I was going to be leaving the hospital with a nameless baby.

This went on for months and months. I don't think we decided until the day he was born. We had narrowed it down to a couple of names and then waited until we saw his little face.

Am I being a brat...

It's a boy. Now we can concentrate on getting all of the baby gear and decorating his room. This was what I was waiting for. But where do you start?

Like I said before, my sisters-in-law have small children - 3 boys and 1 girl. They had all of the baby stuff that you need - cribs, changing tables, pack-n-plays, strollers, clothes, clothes, did I mention clothes??!!!

But I wanted my own things. I don't mind hand-me-downs. In fact, I welcome most of them. But this was my first baby, my mother's first grand baby. She wanted to get us the crib. I went shopping with her and fell in love with several of the cribs. They were just so fabulous and they turn into beds too! What more could I ask for? So starts the drama. My husband wanted to take the used crib from one sister-in-law. The crib was perfectly fine - clean, up to the latest safety standards, neutral color. It would do the job. He thought my mother could spend the money on other things we would need because cribs don't come cheap. We already had a toddler bed and a twin bed that could be used for later on so there was no need for the convertible crib.

Was I being a selfish brat? Was I being greedy and ungrateful? Probably. In the end, I decided to take the used crib. I wasn't happy about it and I may have shed a few bratty tears. But I think it was the right decision in the end.

One crisis averted - on to the next!

Blue or pink...

I had every intention of finding out the sex of the baby. I am usually the type of girl who likes surprises. I don't shake the presents under the Christmas tree. I wait until I open them to find out. But, I wanted to know if I was having a boy or a girl so bad. I couldn't even stand the wait. I was told that at my 16 week sonogram, they might be able to tell.

I didn't care if I was getting a boy or a girl as long as the baby was healthy. Isn't that what all mothers think? I wanted a boy because I was such a tomboy and both my husband and I are really into sports. I kept imagining going to his soccer and baseball games and taking him to his first football and hockey games. I wanted a girl because I am best friends with my mother and I wanted that same relationship with my little girl. I wanted someone to go shopping with, someone that would share her puppy love and heartaches with me. So there were definite dreams to be fulfilled with either gender.

But there were also practical reasons for finding out. My sisters-in-law both have young boys and they had tons of hand-me-downs. They had clothes that still had tags on them. And they are the type of people that have designer duds for their kids so if I was going to have a boy, he would be really well dressed. I also wanted to know how I was going to decorate baby's room, and what type of accessories to get.

So my appt was finally here but my husband couldn't get the day off from work. He didn't want me to find out if he couldn't know at the same time. But I knew he wouldn't be able to wait so I wasn't worried. I made my mother go with me. They did the sonogram and it was the most unbelievable sonogram yet. They were able to see the blood flowing through the baby's veins and the chambers of the heart. I just remember thinking that it is so convenient that the baby is clear so they can see everything. It is ridiculous but that is what I was thinking. Everything looked great, the organs were functioning well. Healthy baby - check!

Now for the good stuff. But how do I find out without my husband there? The nurse was very helpful. She said she could tell the sex of the baby and she would take a picture and write it down. She would stick it in an envelope and seal it so I could open it up with my husband. Problem solved!

So as soon as I got out of the appt, I called my husband. Like I said, he couldn't wait to find out so he made me open the envelope right then in the parking garage. I took out the picture and there was a little arrow pointing to something and the caption said, "IT'S A BOY!" I couldn't tell what the arrow was pointing at, though I can probably take a good guess. I could tell my husband was soooo excited. I was very excited too because I really did want a boy. But I wasn't expecting the disappointment that I felt that I wasn't going to get my girl. At least not yet. I am sure I would have had that same disappointment if I had found out it was a girl. Then I was ashamed that I had those feelings. I had just found out that I was having a healthy baby boy and I couldn't be more excited. Then once it sank in, I couldn't wait to prepare for this little man to come into our lives!

Am I ready for maternity clothes...

Now that I was in my 2nd trimester, my body started changing. I wasn't quite showing yet but my belly was definitely getting bigger and my hips seemed to widen. I kind of wanted maternity clothes because I wanted to start showing. I wanted physical outward signs that I was pregnant. There is nothing more frustrating than being pregnant but not feeling or looking pregnant.

I was still able to get my pants up and zipped but I stopped buttoning them up. I would just fold in the flaps at the top of the pants. But I was getting too anxious. I went out and bought some maternity pants. I didn't know what to buy though because I wasn't showing yet. They have these pillows that you can tie around your waist to get an idea of how your maternity pants will fit. I am short too so it was difficult to find petite or short pants. But I found some and bought 4 pairs and stuck them in the back of my closet. Then a friend told me to tie a rubber band around the button of the pants, string it through the loop and hook the open end back around the button. This worked very well for some time. I was rubber banding my pants for at least a couple of months.

When it was finally time for the maternity pants, I hated them. The crotch was way too low. When I pulled them up so the crotch fit, they were too short! I don't know if this happens to regular length pants but it was very frustrating. I had to wear tops that covered the crotch so I could wear them low enough that the length was ok. I looked and felt ridiculous. And the maternity shop has a no returns policy. I wasn't even able to exchange them because it was past the 30 day cut off. My fault for going out to early to buy the pants.

Fortunately, I was able to find a couple more pants that were better. And maternity type tops were in style for regular clothes at the time. I was able to get shirts that were flowy from the juniors department. They looked like maternity and they were cute. I just didn't want to spend a lot of money on clothes that I wouldn't be able to wear for more than a couple of months. I actually wore my regular work pants throughout my entire pregnancy. I was able to get them up past my butt and I didn't even bother zipping them or using my rubber band. I was able to just fold down the sides and cover up with my long tops. It worked out.

I was also lucky that the majority of my pregnancy would fall into one season. It was warm pretty much throughout so I didn't have to go out and buy clothes for different weather.

Now I have all of these adorable tops that aren't maternity but they served that purpose while I was pregnant. I want to wear them again now but I am afraid people will automatically assume I am pregnant again! Oh well. I will have to wait until baby number 2, I guess.

I feel great...

It is amazing how good I felt after my first trimester. The best part was that I had a lot of energy. I had heard about nesting but I didn't know it would become an all-consuming need. I would think about cleaning and organizing at all hours. At work I would make lists of things that needed to be done at home. I would wake up in the middle of the night and think of things that I had to do. How could I sleep knowing that the ridges in the seal of the freezer were filthy and needed a good scrubbing?

I had this spare bedroom that was to become the baby's room. This room was piled high with the 'I don't know where else to put it' crap. This was the first priority. But where do you put all the stuff? So I had to clear out other parts of the house first in order to accommodate this acculmulation of junk. The reason the room had gotten to this point is because every time I tried to clear it out, it became overwhelming. But now I was super woman so it was going to get done.

A lot of the stuff was old bills that I was afraid to throw away. So I spent hours at a shredder. I had a lot of things that I didn't throw away because I thought I would need them again at some point. But I figured if it hadn't seen the light of day in 3 years, I wouldn't miss it.

I cleaned out closets. I threw away or donated tons of clothing. I finally got rid of the red snake skin pleather pants that I wore to spring break in Cancun when I was 19. I also washed every article of clothing in my house. I hooked up a TV in my basement so I could wash, fold and organize mountains of clothes.

Slowly but surely I checked off the items on my list. These accomplishments, small as they may have been, felt great. It meant that I was this much closer to being ready for my baby.

Cravings...

Other than "Are you feeling ok?", the most asked question I had when I was pregnant was if I had any cravings.

I didn't really have cravings. I ate a lot of bananas when I wasn't a huge fan of bananas in the past. But I wouldn't consider that a craving. There was nothing that I had to have immediately or I would have a meltdown. Smells didn't really bother me either. I guess I missed out on the opportunity to make my husband get up in the middle of the night because I needed olives. I should have made him do it anyway. But I didn't.

I ate a lot of fruit. I discovered fresh pineapple when I was pregnant. I had eaten the canned kind before but I was being adventurous and bought a whole pineapple one day. It was suprisingly less work than I thought it would be and it was so good. Again, I didn't really have a craving for it but it was something that was on my regular grocery shopping list for a few months.

I am normally a huge pickle eater. I used to eat tons of pickles but didn't really want them so much while I was pregnant. And now that I have had the baby, I still don't eat pickles very often. I guess your taste buds change.

My grandmother had a craving for ice shavings when she was pregnant with my father. She had one of those freezers that didn't defrost automatically. and would shave off the accumulated ice and eat it. It had to be from her freezer though. She didn't want shaved ice from anywhere else. Weird!

Genetic testing - should we do it...

I had a lot of hesitation when it was time for genectic testing. I guess it was probably around my 12th week and I was told that they would be able to look at the scan to determine the skin fold at the back of the baby's neck. They also check for the amount of fluid in the sac around the head and for the nose profile. There is also a series of tests that can be done by taking a blood sample. I was torn because I wanted to know if everything was ok with my baby. On the other hand, if something was wrong, it wouldn't be a factor whether I continued with the pregnancy or not. I was going to do everything in my power to carry this baby to term. In the end, I decided to have the tests. If there was something developmentally wrong with the baby, at least I would have time to prepare and research everything beforehand.

I didn't have any high-risk factors but it was still nerve-wracking waiting for the results.

Everything appeared to be normal with the baby. Of course that isn't 100% so there was still the possibility that the baby would be born with a genetic defect. But the chances were very slim. It was a relief but I feel for those moms who find out not-so-good news.

Why is this happening again...

So I had been going along quite nicely. I had hit my 3 month mark. The chances of miscarriage are greatly reduced after the first trimester. Just knowing that was a weight off my shoulders. I had gotten my shot for the RH factor, I had some bleeding but I had the explanation and it wasn't harmful to the baby, I wasn't getting sick in the mornings anymore, I wasn't as tired as I was at first. Then it happened. I started bleeding again. Panic set in and I called the doctor. They ordered another sonogram. This was now my second sonogram in 3 weeks.

The first sonogram was overwhelming because I was able to see the heartbeat for the first time. But the second sonogram was even more dramatic because now I could see the distinct shape of my baby. It was at this appointment that I was told that I had placenta previa. This is a condition where the placenta covers a portion or all of the cervix and can cause bleeding. This isn't usually harmful and usually corrects itself by the 18th week. But it meant no intimate encounters with my husband. That was ok because I didn't feel like it anyway.

So now I had the full reason for the bleeding and it did happen a few more times. But it was always light and didn't last for more than 24 hours. I still worried but I put my faith in the doctors and it all worked out in the end.

I thought I would be able to eat anything I wanted...

Now that I was pregnant, I thought I would be able to eat anything I want and have a good excuse for getting fat. But now there are so many things that you can't eat because they are dangerous to the mother and/or baby.

I wanted to eat hot dogs and turkey sandwiches so bad. But they are bad for the pregnant ladies. I wanted to eat tuna but some sites say it is ok to eat in moderation (no more than a can a week or something like that) while others advise to stay away. You can't eat raw eggs so ceasar salad dressing is out. You can't eat deli meats. My job involves attending a lot of meetings where lunch is brought in and they usually bring in sandwiches so it made it tough.

I guess there are risks to everything and normally I am not really concerned with what is good or bad for me because it changes all the time. I mean I am not careless with my health but I don't see the harm in having some fried foods once in a while. But it is amazing how my mindset changed dramatically when I became pregnant. I didn't think eating a hot dog would be the end of the world. But there was this nagging thought in the back of my head that said, "What if?" What if this is the hot dog that will kill my baby? I just didn't want to take any chances so I stayed away from all of the things that you are supposed to stay away from when you are pregnant.

It is funny because my mother thought I was being overly cautious. That very well may have been the case but when I heard a story about a woman losing her baby because of the all of the turkey sandwiches she ate, I wasn't going near it. Of course this story was told to me by my pregnant friend who is neurotic with this type of thing so if it was true, I can't say. But I was going to take the 'better safe than sorry' route. All the while my mother is telling me how she ate full pizzas and drank beer when she was pregnant with me and did't I turn out ok? I guess you just have to give a little slack to us first timers.

So this is what it feels like to be pregnant...

So I had just seen my baby for the first time during a sonogram and everything looked ok. I finally let myself believe that I was pregnant. It didn't really feel much different. I did have some morning sickness. But I was lucky that it wasn't all day sickness. I also felt extremely tired all the time. I wasn't prepared for that. I have many friends who have babies and no one ever told me that during the first trimester I wouldn't have the energy to do anything, not even talk. I remember times when I would be laying on my couch and fall asleep in mid-conversation with my husband. I couldn't keep my eyes open past 8pm. I couldn't even imagine going through my first trimester with other small children. My hat's off to those mom's that do it.

But other than the morning sickness that caused inconvenience for a few minutes every day, and the sheer exhaustion, I didn't feel pregnant. I knew it was too early to start showing or feeling any kicking. But there were days when I was just really worried because I didn't feel different at all. Did that mean that something was wrong or that I wasn't pregnant anymore and didn't know it? So I started looking forward to my doctor's appointments because then I would be able to hear my baby's heart beating.

Then like a switch, I felt fine in my 12th week. No more morning sickness and I was able to make it to the late news without going into a state of unconsciousness. But I still didn't feel pregnant. I had moments where I thought I felt something but wrote it off as gas or indigestion because I knew I wouldn't truly be able to feel anything for several more weeks. But I was able to follow other pregnancy symptoms in my handy dandy What To Expect book. I tried not to read ahead because I was afraid that I either wouldn't be on track with the book or that I would become a hypochondriac and start to experience everything that the book said. The book was actually pretty much on target. Great investment.

And the problems begin...

Well, my tests came back negative. I knew they would and I had no reason to belive otherwise but in the back of my mind I was relieved that I didn't have a hidden serious illness that would be passed on to my baby.

I also found out that I had A- blood. That meant that I had to have a special shot to prevent problems if my blood mixed with my baby's blood. I had thought this was a rare condition so in my head I just knew that the problems had just begun. I was getting prepared to have a complicated pregnancy.

After I got the shot, I was good for a few days. Then the bleeding started. I was only 9 weeks and was terrified. I was trying not to get attached in the first place because I thought that something bad was going to happen. But when I started bleeding, time stood still. I called the doctor and the ride to the office was slow and excrutiating. I couldn't imaging losing this little person that I was growing. The office wasn't far, no more than 15 minutes but it felt like an eternity. I cried a little, I found peace that whatever was going to happen was meant to be, I was angry because how could this be happening. And I hadn't even found out anything yet.

When I finally was up on the table at the doctor's office, they did an exam and didn't find anything out of the ordinary. But they sent me to have an emergency sonogram anyway to be sure. My husband and I drove to yet another doctor's office. I had a sonogram and was expecting to not see anything. But there it was on the screen, a little heartbeat, beating as fast as could be. My baby was still there! I was so relieved that I couldn't even understand the emotion of seeing the little flutter of the little tiny heart that was just beginning to develop. I am actually getting teary-eyed as I write this. They explained that I probably had a cyst that popped and caused the bleeding but that everything seemed to be ok. They gave me my due date of November 7th. So now I get to relax, right? Not so fast...

I didn't know I had to go to the doctor so much...

I made my first doctor appt and they confirmed it. I was officially with child. Now I had this fragile being inside me and I was so terrified that I would do something to screw it up. I just knew that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant in the first place. That turned out to be wrong. So now I just knew that I would never be able to carry this baby to full term. I am quite petite and I just had an instinct that this first pregnancy would be a disaster. So now all I could do was stay healthy, not do anything risky or dangerous, and wait.

I also didn't know that there were so many blood tests involved with being pregnant. I had to get blood work done to know my blood type and to test for any diseases. I had developed this absolute fear of needles and was mortified when I was told to go right away for my blood work. I didn't want to think about it so I just went right over to the lab and did it. It was horrible. Little did I know that later in the pregnancy I would be an expert at giving my blood (glucose test..ahhh!!!!). I also didn't realize that I would be at my doctor's office every other day, or so it seemed. I hate doctor's offices. But again, I was an expert by the time all was said and done.

Do you have a minute?

So I found out I was pregnant on a Thursday morning. I took the first test when I was getting ready for work first thing in the morning. I went home on lunch and took another test just to be sure. Meanwhile, my husband is calling everyone he knows to tell them of the good news that very morning. He works for the same company that I do and we know a lot of the same people. I figured I had better tell my boss before someone else did because my overly enthusiastic husband jumped the gun. I mean, I hadn't even told my parents yet.

After a meeting that afternoon, I asked my boss if he had a minute. I was nervous and my mouth was dry. I didn't have a chance to think about how I was going to tell him but I knew I had to do it then or he might have voice mails about the subject when he got back to his office. So I just blurted out, "I think I am going to need some time off in about 9 months." He understood and said all of the things your boss is supposed to say - Congratulations! I am so happy for you! When are you due? It was then that I had to say that I hadn't even been to the doctor and I had literally found out that morning. I would have preferred to not say anything until my due date but I guess it all worked out. One uncomfortable conversation out the way.

I'm what???!!!

The day I found out I was pregnant was a day filled with many emotions. I had been married for about 5 months. We knew we wanted kids right away but I was convinced that it would take a year or more. Well, that wasn't the case.

I had been very stressed at work and hadn't been feeling too well. I was not getting enough sleep and my eating habits weren't the best. No breakfast, a candy bar for lunch and a bowl of cereal for dinner was a typical day for me. So I wasn't surprised when I started feeling tired and drained. But when I was sick in the morning three days in a row, I thought something else might be up. After one or two or three home pregnancy tests, I was sure. I WAS PREGNANT!!! I was happy but also extremely scared, feeling completely unprepared. How could this have happened so soon? I mean I know how it happened but it was a shocker. I "told" my husband by leaving one of the tests on the bathroom counter. I could tell by the look on his face that he was feeling the same as I was. Then I made him take a test to make sure that his was negative. It was all very scientific. That was the moment when my life as I knew it changed. I found out that changes to come were much more dramatic but up to that point, it was the biggest change I had ever known.