So this is what it feels like to be pregnant...

So I had just seen my baby for the first time during a sonogram and everything looked ok. I finally let myself believe that I was pregnant. It didn't really feel much different. I did have some morning sickness. But I was lucky that it wasn't all day sickness. I also felt extremely tired all the time. I wasn't prepared for that. I have many friends who have babies and no one ever told me that during the first trimester I wouldn't have the energy to do anything, not even talk. I remember times when I would be laying on my couch and fall asleep in mid-conversation with my husband. I couldn't keep my eyes open past 8pm. I couldn't even imagine going through my first trimester with other small children. My hat's off to those mom's that do it.

But other than the morning sickness that caused inconvenience for a few minutes every day, and the sheer exhaustion, I didn't feel pregnant. I knew it was too early to start showing or feeling any kicking. But there were days when I was just really worried because I didn't feel different at all. Did that mean that something was wrong or that I wasn't pregnant anymore and didn't know it? So I started looking forward to my doctor's appointments because then I would be able to hear my baby's heart beating.

Then like a switch, I felt fine in my 12th week. No more morning sickness and I was able to make it to the late news without going into a state of unconsciousness. But I still didn't feel pregnant. I had moments where I thought I felt something but wrote it off as gas or indigestion because I knew I wouldn't truly be able to feel anything for several more weeks. But I was able to follow other pregnancy symptoms in my handy dandy What To Expect book. I tried not to read ahead because I was afraid that I either wouldn't be on track with the book or that I would become a hypochondriac and start to experience everything that the book said. The book was actually pretty much on target. Great investment.

And the problems begin...

Well, my tests came back negative. I knew they would and I had no reason to belive otherwise but in the back of my mind I was relieved that I didn't have a hidden serious illness that would be passed on to my baby.

I also found out that I had A- blood. That meant that I had to have a special shot to prevent problems if my blood mixed with my baby's blood. I had thought this was a rare condition so in my head I just knew that the problems had just begun. I was getting prepared to have a complicated pregnancy.

After I got the shot, I was good for a few days. Then the bleeding started. I was only 9 weeks and was terrified. I was trying not to get attached in the first place because I thought that something bad was going to happen. But when I started bleeding, time stood still. I called the doctor and the ride to the office was slow and excrutiating. I couldn't imaging losing this little person that I was growing. The office wasn't far, no more than 15 minutes but it felt like an eternity. I cried a little, I found peace that whatever was going to happen was meant to be, I was angry because how could this be happening. And I hadn't even found out anything yet.

When I finally was up on the table at the doctor's office, they did an exam and didn't find anything out of the ordinary. But they sent me to have an emergency sonogram anyway to be sure. My husband and I drove to yet another doctor's office. I had a sonogram and was expecting to not see anything. But there it was on the screen, a little heartbeat, beating as fast as could be. My baby was still there! I was so relieved that I couldn't even understand the emotion of seeing the little flutter of the little tiny heart that was just beginning to develop. I am actually getting teary-eyed as I write this. They explained that I probably had a cyst that popped and caused the bleeding but that everything seemed to be ok. They gave me my due date of November 7th. So now I get to relax, right? Not so fast...

I didn't know I had to go to the doctor so much...

I made my first doctor appt and they confirmed it. I was officially with child. Now I had this fragile being inside me and I was so terrified that I would do something to screw it up. I just knew that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant in the first place. That turned out to be wrong. So now I just knew that I would never be able to carry this baby to full term. I am quite petite and I just had an instinct that this first pregnancy would be a disaster. So now all I could do was stay healthy, not do anything risky or dangerous, and wait.

I also didn't know that there were so many blood tests involved with being pregnant. I had to get blood work done to know my blood type and to test for any diseases. I had developed this absolute fear of needles and was mortified when I was told to go right away for my blood work. I didn't want to think about it so I just went right over to the lab and did it. It was horrible. Little did I know that later in the pregnancy I would be an expert at giving my blood (glucose test..ahhh!!!!). I also didn't realize that I would be at my doctor's office every other day, or so it seemed. I hate doctor's offices. But again, I was an expert by the time all was said and done.

Do you have a minute?

So I found out I was pregnant on a Thursday morning. I took the first test when I was getting ready for work first thing in the morning. I went home on lunch and took another test just to be sure. Meanwhile, my husband is calling everyone he knows to tell them of the good news that very morning. He works for the same company that I do and we know a lot of the same people. I figured I had better tell my boss before someone else did because my overly enthusiastic husband jumped the gun. I mean, I hadn't even told my parents yet.

After a meeting that afternoon, I asked my boss if he had a minute. I was nervous and my mouth was dry. I didn't have a chance to think about how I was going to tell him but I knew I had to do it then or he might have voice mails about the subject when he got back to his office. So I just blurted out, "I think I am going to need some time off in about 9 months." He understood and said all of the things your boss is supposed to say - Congratulations! I am so happy for you! When are you due? It was then that I had to say that I hadn't even been to the doctor and I had literally found out that morning. I would have preferred to not say anything until my due date but I guess it all worked out. One uncomfortable conversation out the way.

I'm what???!!!

The day I found out I was pregnant was a day filled with many emotions. I had been married for about 5 months. We knew we wanted kids right away but I was convinced that it would take a year or more. Well, that wasn't the case.

I had been very stressed at work and hadn't been feeling too well. I was not getting enough sleep and my eating habits weren't the best. No breakfast, a candy bar for lunch and a bowl of cereal for dinner was a typical day for me. So I wasn't surprised when I started feeling tired and drained. But when I was sick in the morning three days in a row, I thought something else might be up. After one or two or three home pregnancy tests, I was sure. I WAS PREGNANT!!! I was happy but also extremely scared, feeling completely unprepared. How could this have happened so soon? I mean I know how it happened but it was a shocker. I "told" my husband by leaving one of the tests on the bathroom counter. I could tell by the look on his face that he was feeling the same as I was. Then I made him take a test to make sure that his was negative. It was all very scientific. That was the moment when my life as I knew it changed. I found out that changes to come were much more dramatic but up to that point, it was the biggest change I had ever known.