Birth Day 9/8/09

With my first baby, I was very emotional the night before I was induced. I remember laying in bed, crying softly - thinking about how my life was going to change drastically in the next hours. I was anxious, nervous, excited, scared, worried, all of the above. This time around, I was dealing with another set of emotions. I am in love with my first born. I couldn't imagine bringing someone else into our perfect little family unit. I was full og guilt for disrupting his life, especially because he didn't really understand what was going to happen. I was sad because I would have to be away from him for 2 nights. I had not been away from him since he was born. On the other hand, I was so uncomfortable and this rash that I had developed was kicking my butt. I just wanted him out. The doctors had estimated that he was about 7 and 1/2 pounds but he felt more like 50 pounds on my small frame.



When the wee hours of dawn finally arrived, I hitched a ride to the hospital with my dad. My husband was going to bring our 2 year old to his parents for the day and would meet us at the hospital. The initial hospital experience was identical to my first time around. I checked in, had some blood taken, had my IVs hooked up. I was feeling no pain. My husband and mother arrived and I just settled into the hospital bed for the process to start.



At one point, my bladder felt full and I asked to go to the bathroom. I had to get all of my IV lines gathered up and wheeled my IV holder into the bathroom with me. I went but not a lot. I got back into bed and a short while later I felt like I had to go again. I trekked back into the bathroom and went a little more. Got back into bed. Not 5 minutes later, I felt myself leaking. I told the nurse that I was either wetting the bed (not outside the realm of possibility) or my water had broken. She checked and sure enough, my bag of waters had ruptured. I felt almost proud. They hadn't even started the pitocin and the doctor was scheduled to come break my water in an hour or so. But I had done it my own.



At this point, it was a continuous leaking of fluid so I stayed in bed. I remembered from last time that the contractions started not too long after my water was broken. So I waited for that happen. I had the mindset that I was not going to get an epidural this time. I had one with my first and I was pushing within an hour. I figured if labor was going to be that quick, I would be able to handle the pain, especially because I knew the end was in sight.



My contractions started hard and fast. They were really intense and were lasting about a minute. I had about 4 minutes in between so I had a little break. Soon they were even more painful - probably about a 10 on a scale of 1-10. And now they were about a minute apart, still a minute long. I breathed in and out. I focused on an object. Nothing was working. I cannot even believe how much pain I was in. I was shaking and trying to will myself to have an out of body experience so I could escape. But I couldn't get out of my own body and I felt hopeless. At this point I wasn't getting any kind of break in between contractions. They were almost continuous. I could feel them peak and then taper off like a wave but then they would peak again almost immediately.



By now I am crying. My husband and parents were just staring at my because my reaction was so different from the first time. Then I had been stoic, handling the pain. Now I was a mess. I was suffering in silence as tears rolled down my face. There was no screaming like you see on TV. I somehow indicated to my mother that I needed the epidural NOW. She was able to relay my message to the nurse because I couldn't physically speak at the time.



Had I been in my right mind, I would have remembered that they need to get a bag of fluids into my IV before they can give the epidural. This process can take 15-20 minutes which meant that I was going to have 15-20 more contractions before I was able to get some relief.



After an excrutiating quarter of an hour, my IV had been administered. And of course, now the anesthesiologist was no where to be found. Actually he was in with a C section patient which was also very important but I was running out of patience. Another 1 /2 hour passed before the anesthesiologist came in and I was never so happy to see someone that would be sticking a foot long needle in my back. Well, I should have known that it wasn't going to be that easy. He had an intern tagging along that was learning how to give an epidural. That was fine, I had no problem with someone learning. But he had to explain everything in detail to her. Again, no problem with the learning process but I just wanted my damn pain meds. He finally got me into position and had put the iodine on my back. I was ready but I just kept having contractions. Involuntary shaking had taken over my body about 3 separate times as he was preparing to insert the needle. He waited each time. After that 3rd time, he said he wasn't waiting anymore and I that I had to make sure that I stayed still or we would have a proble. Well, excuse me. Somehow I made it through and he was able to do his thing without incident. I was told that it would take another 15 minutes before I would be feeling relief. So 15 minutes came and went and I was still feeling the contractions. The edge was taken off but they were still so painful.



When the doctor came in, she realized that I was still having to breathe through the contractions, even after the epidural. She decided to check me and said, "Well, it is time to push." I was so frustrated! Yet again I had the epidural and I could have made it without if I could just have waited 15 more minutes. It didn't even really give me much relief. But I was glad to get the show on the road. I was hoping that very soon I would have a new little baby boy in my arms.