Almost a year...

I cannot believe that it has been almost a year since my son was born. Yesterday he was standing at the front glass door watching the traffic go by. He was shrieking with delight as a boy and his dog walked past the house. The weather was cool and the leaves are starting to fall off the trees. Several leaves flew by in the wind and it looks and feels like Fall.

I was standing behind my little man and was just in awe at the fact that last year at this time he was not even born. I didn't even really know him yet. I knew that he liked to move around at night and that he was filling up my insides leaving me no room to breathe. But I didn't know that his smile would melt my every time. I didn't know that I would feel helpless when he was sick and wish that I could take away the pain and discomfort. I didn't know that he would be so darn cute.

I was also struck by the thought that I couldn't believe I had brought this innocent little person into a cruel hard world. I hate watching the news because nothing good seems to happen. How could I let him grow up in a world of terrorists, drugs, economic instability, violence, etc. All we can do is love our children and give them the tools to deal with the bad and hope that they can bring about the good.

Now my husband wants another baby. We want at least two children and want them to be pretty close in age. I do want another one too but I just feel like I would be robbing my son of love and attention that would go to a new baby. I know that it is different when you have another baby and that your heart expands so you can love both more than you can imagine. Sounds good in theory but it seems impossible. I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens.