Now I am starting to get scared...

Well, I felt like I was getting really close to giving birth. I started feeling that I was going to go into labor any moment starting in my 7th month. I didn't have any contractions, wasn't dilated, wasn't having any labor symptoms. But I just knew that at any second it would start. I guess I was just getting anxious.

But the weeks dragged on and no baby. And I realized that I did have some fears about labor. I was afraid that my water would break when I was in public - at work, at the grocery store, at the post office, while pumping gas... I was also scared about the pain of contractions. No one had been able to describe exactly what contractions felt like and how bad the pain gets. I was pretty sure I had a low tolerance for pain. When my dogs step on my foot, it hurts to the point where I have to grab my foot and rub out the pain. The same thing happens to my husband and he goes on with his life. I was worried about leaving my dogs while I was going through hours of labor. I didn't know who I was going to get to check on them because everyone I was close to would be at the hospital. I was worred that I would forget to do something and then I would go into labor and it would be too late. I was worried that I wouldn't have everything squared away at work before I went into labor. I was worried that something would happen to me or the baby during the delivery. I was worried about everything. I started to feel that I wasn't ready. Even though I wanted to meet this baby, I wanted more time. And the problem with labor is that you never know when it is going to happen so you have to be prepared. I wasn't feeling prepared at all. I knew that I had everything done and ready but there was that nagging feeling that I was not thinking of something very important.

Then I went to the doctor around my 36th week. This was a regular OBGYN appointment, nothing out of the ordinary. The doctor told me I was 1cm dilated! I thought I would be able to feel when I dilated. But here I was, starting to dilate and I had no idea. I thought for sure that this was it and I would be having the baby in a couple of days.

Week 37 came and went with no change. I was still 1cm dilated and no closer to labor than I was the previous week.

Week 38 came and I had my doctor appointment. The doctor told me then that they were going to induce me the following Tuesday. Because of my gestational diabetes they wanted to get the baby out and said there was no value in waiting the extra week. I was told to go to the hospital on October 30th at 6am and I would have my baby that day.

You would think that knowing the date that I was going to give birth would alleviate some of my fears. Well it did take care of the fears of the unknown - like when and where would I go into labor. But I was almost more scared knowing the when and where. I guess I was just scared period and my fears just shifted. So now all I had to do was not think about it for a week. Yeah right!