Am I doing this right...

So far so good. The dogs were more calm that I had expected and the baby was sleeping. I took this time to empty out the hospital bag and see how much formula and diapers I had. I had bought diapers throughout my pregnancy but I hadn't bought any formula because I didn't know which kind he would need. I samples of a couple different kinds and everything I brought home from the hospital would probably last me for 4 or 5 days.

Then he woke up. Crying. I knew it was probably time to feed him so I gave him a bottle. I had gotten the hang of it and he was eating well. Only about 2oz for now. Then I changed his diaper, being careful of the umbilical cord and the wound on his little wee. I realized that he hated having his diaper changed. He screamed so loud. I thought that it was probably because of the circumcision so I hoped that it would heal quickly. I hated the thought that he might be in pain. This was the first noise of a real baby that the dogs had heard and I could hear them whining and moving about, wondering what this little alien being was doing. They even barked a few times but I didn't stop them. I wanted the baby to be familiar with the doggie sounds just as much as I wanted the dogs to be familiar with baby sounds. So once he was fed, clean and dry, I held him. I didn't want to put him down. I held him and looked at him. I was his mommy. He didn't cry. he was content.

For me though, I was in a lot of pain downstairs. My milk hadn't come in yet. I thought it should have by now so I thought maybe it would never come in and I wouldn't have to deal with that pain. But the other pain was enough to handle for the moment. I dreaded having to get up and I dreaded going to the bathroom even more. The hospital gave me a little squeeze bottle which I was to use with warm water every time I went. My friend had just given birth 3 months before me and she said she never used the water bottle after she got home. I brought mine to the bathroom just in case. I used it and it was the best thing in the world. So soothing. I vowed that I would use that water bottle every chance I got until I was healed. This was worse than the contractions, the labor and the delivery combined. I had such a positive experience with the labor and delivery that I wanted to have another baby right away. But now that I was dealing with the aftermath, I wasn't so sure. Why doesn't anyone ever tell you that the stitches, not the contractions, are the worst part?

I fed and changed the baby a few more times that day. I wanted to do it myself and my husband was glad to let me. He was a little scared of handling such a small baby. But I was almost territorial. I had never cared for a newborn but all of a sudden I was an expert and I knew how I wanted things done. I would have to get over that pretty quickly but I felt like I was entitled to feel this way at the moment.

There were no visitors on this first day back home and I was grateful. I was in a state of exhaustion/bliss all at once, just being there with my family.