First night at the hospital...

My family had left me alone to rest. My son was in the nursery getting his temperature up. My friends had visited and then gone. I was alone. It felt strange to be alone because I hadn't been alone for 9 months. I had been afraid I would feel empty but I didn't. I just wanted my baby so I could look at him and hold him and transfer my love to him.

Eventually they brought him in. Because I had gestational diabetes, they had to test his blood sugar when he was born. He had a little band-aid on one of his heels where they took the blood. His sugar had been low so they had given him a bottle of sugar water. I didn't know that until after the fact which is probably good because I probably would have freaked out if I had known that his sugar was low. But he was fine. He was still puffy but he had a little bit more color. I couldn't believe how pasty and white he had been when he was born.

I held him as he slept. He opened his eyes slightly a couple of times but apparently being born is extremely exhausting. And I was grateful that we were able to just rest together.

He was so tiny - 6lbs, 8oz. And bundled up in his blanket made him seem even smaller. He had a little hat on his head and a teeny little diaper. He had already been changed at the nursery so I didn't have to do it. I wanted to feed him but they had to take his blood sugar first. They took him away again and brought him back shortly. I had to formula feed so they brought a bunch of pre-mixed formula bottles and I tried to feed him. He didn't seem to want it. I tried and tried and but he wouldn't take more than a little bit. The nurse had told me to call if he hadn't finished within a 1/2 hour. So I called and they got him to eat the rest. They seemed so rough with him, shoving the bottle into his mouth and jerking it around. But it got him to eat. I felt pretty disappointed. Like I failed at my first attempt to be a mom. Why wouldn't he eat with me but with a nurse who was a stranger? I decided that I was going to copy what she had done the next time I fed him.

Then they took him away again to test his blood. My husband and parents arrived. My in-laws came too. My father-in-law brought a box of assorted chocolates. In fact, everyone brought some sort of sweet thing because I couldn't eat any of it while I was pregnant. I ate 3 or 4 chocolates right away. They were sooooo good. Then a nurse came in and said she had to test my blood. And I had just eaten so much sugar. Unbelievably, my blood tested normal. The specialist had told me that once the placenta was out, my blood sugar should be fine. I didn't realize that I would be back to normal so soon though.

They all took turns holding the baby. We visited for a while and then they all left. They took the baby back to the nursery for the night and I was alone again. I felt like I had only spent a little time with the baby and that made me sad. But I settled in and watched a little TV and tried to fall asleep knowing that I would be able to spend the entire day with him tomorrow.