To work or not to work...

Throughout my entire pregnancy, I had known that I would have to go back to work. We had researched daycares. After the devestation I felt after looking at the first one, we finally found one that would be very nice. I had liked the facility, the people, the program. They were a big proponent of infant education such as sign language. They had excellent security and safety measures. It was close to home so I would be able to drop him off in the morning and then pick him at night.

Then as my maternity leave was coming to an end, I looked at my 4 week old baby and thought there was no way I would be able to take him to a daycare in 2 weeks. He was just so tiny. I know that people have to do daycare and there are a lot of benefits to daycare that he could not get by staying home. I had been in daycare from the time I was an infant and I feel that it prepared me for school. I had a wonderful experience with daycare. But I just had to look at him to be reduced to tears. How could I leave him with strangers? I even knew one of the infant teachers who would be caring for him but it didn't help.

I started to look for alternatives. I had to work, there was no question about it. My mother and father had to work. My mother had always said that she was not going to raise her grandchildren. Not in a nasty way, but she wasn't going to give up her life to become a permanent babysitter. And I didn't blame her. There was no way I would ask her to give up her job so she could watch him. My in-laws are much older and they live far away. I am sure they would have come to the house as much as we needed them to but again, it wasn't their problem. I called my boss and asked if I could work from home a couple days a week so I would only have to put him in daycare for a little while each week. But they understandably told me that it wouldn't work. I couldn't be on conference calls with an unpredictable newborn at home.

Then it hit me. My husband had been hired for a coaching job which was just seasonal and didn't pay much but he was working essentially 2 jobs. I made more than he did at his permanent job so we couldn't rely on his income without mine. But the coaching job was more flexible with practices and games in the evening. So I worked the numbers over and over again. It would be tight and we wouldn't be able to save much if anything but I thought we could get by with only my income and his coaching income.

I was returning to work on January 2nd and we literally made the decision for him to quit his job and stay home with the baby 2 weeks before my return. The decision was met with apprehension. How will he do with the baby alone? Can we really afford it? But also with relief. He would be home with his daddy and I wouldn't have to leave him in a strange place every morning.